Hannah's Hope

I just finished reading this book:

Hannah's Hope:  Seeking God's Heart in the midst of infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss.  I had a friend recommend this book to me awhile back but I just put off reading it.  I stumbled across it again last month at the church book store and felt the Lord leading me to buy it.  Once I forced myself to start reading it, I didn't want to put it down.  It came at the perfect time since our 1st baby's due date is less than 2 weeks away.  She starts out the book by telling her story, which no one would even believe unless you read it yourself.  She struggled with infertility for over 8 years, had 2 miscarriages, and had over 5 adoption losses (I can't remember the exact number), one including an adoption scam.   I was emotionally spent just reading the first chapter.  I really couldn't believe one person had been through all of that.   God has been glorified greatly through all her suffering.   She has a ministry called Hannah's Hope where she ministers to thousands of women who are experiencing these same issues.  The book itself ministered to me greatly.  Each chapter takes you through the story of Hannah in the Bible and her experience with infertility.  

Not only was this book good for my heart to read for healing, but also it was so good for me to be able to relate to others.    What I love about the book is that it's not just for women who have experienced infertility themselves,  but it also gives a great perspective to friends and family of a loved one experiencing infertility/miscarriage.  Each chapter has a part directed to family or friends to help them understand what their loved one may be feeling and helpful things not to say to them.  I know I now have a completely different outlook for women who experience infertility than I did before the book.  There is also a chapter written to the church to help the church have a new perspective  for women going through infertility and miscarriage.  I'm thankful that HFBC has formed a Bible Study on Monday evenings for women going through infertility or miscarriage and they are reading this book together!  I also loved her perspective on handling Mother's Day and baby dedications at churches.  I have never really even thought about how incredibly painful those 2 days are for so many women in the church.  Many women longing to be mommies and receive the flower that is handed out.  Many women who have lost babies but no one considers them a real mom and get overlooked.  She stated how many women avoid Mother's Day and baby dedication day all together every year as it's understandably too painful.  She listed many ways churches could honor and bless these women.  One church simply had a bouquet of flowers on the stage and in the bulletin states the flowers are for women who have lost babies this year.  I've heard of another church having all the couples come to the front (only if they want to) who are experiencing infertility and the church laid hands on them and prayed for them.  Another single woman explained how she finally went to the Mother's Day service after avoiding it for years and had a prior student give her a flower stating she had been  like a mother to her.  There are many more stories but I pray the churches will not ignore all the women (single or married) who are secretly grieving the dream of having children.  

For Further Thought:  This was written at the end of the anguish and grief chapter that I thought was really good:

"In the Old Testament, a person in grief tore his robe and didn't run out to Kohl's to get a new one to go to church.  Women cut their hair.  Men shaved their beards.  There was weeping and wailing.  For a whole year, nobody expected you to look or be the way you were.  How wonderful!  But in our nutty society, the person who "keeps it together" who's "so brave", and who "looks so great--you'd never know," that's who is applauded.  Grief is not the opposite of faith.  Mourning is not the opposite of hope.  I believe that well-meaning Christians can try to hurry us out of our mourning because we make them uncomfortable.  The Bible does not say to cheer up the bereaved, but rather to "mourn with those who mourn."  Christ does not say we grieve because we are deficient in faith, but rather, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (not rushed)" Matt 5:4

Reflections after 4 years from the mission field

Exactly 4 years from this time, I was coming back to America after living in China for 2 years straight as a missionary.  I seem to forget that a lot of people don't know this little fact about me, especially the friends I have made over the past 4 years.  At times it feels like just yesterday I was walking the streets of China, taking public transportation everywhere, going to school studying full time and sharing the Gospel with many who have never heard.  At other times it feels like such a long time ago since so much has happened since then.  Though I don't talk about my experiences as much anymore, I will never forget all the Lord did in my life those 2 years and the wonderful memories I made.  It was definitely the hardest 2 years of my life thus far, but oh so good at the same time.  Besides marrying Justin, I had never been so sure about a particular decision in my life.  I knew since high school that the Lord was calling me to be a missionary for at least 2 years after I graduated college.  I think most people thought it was a phase, but the Lord continually confirmed that calling to me over and over all throughout college.  Shortly after graduating college, I was off with my 4 huge trunks and suitcases of luggage, and flying 2 days straight with 6 different planes. I arrived to a big city where I was met by a teammate to get some stuff done there before flying to my smaller city.  I somehow made it okay, though none of my 4 suitcases/trunks made it!  Since ALL of my luggage was lost, we had to stay in a hotel in the big city much longer than what we had anticipated.  In the meantime, I was told to get out in the culture and eat the local food as much as possible.  After doing that for a few days, I became incredibly sick with the worst stomach sickness you could possible think of.  At one point, I thought I was going to die. Okay, not really, but that was how awful I felt.  On top of being horribly sick, the hotel toilet also broke, which is a complete nightmare when you're that sick.  Adding the fact that I had no luggage, I guess you could say I was definitely questioning if I heard God wrong!  Thankfully, I did survive, and my luggage finally did arrive, and I ended up loving the city, the people, and the culture more than I ever could have imagined. 


I wish I could say that the hardest part was behind me, but what part about living overseas is easy anyway?  Throughout my entire 2 years, I had to say goodbye to practically all my teammates as they had to leave the country one by one all for different reasons (medical and government issues).  It was rough to say the least, but I'm reminded by how much the Lord taught me during those 2 years.  I became incredibly independent and had no choice but to rely on the Lord for strength daily.  I learned so much from the people and their hospitality and how much they value family and not "stuff".  I grew and was stretched in ways I never thought possible.  And at the same time, I loved it. 

I have been thinking about missions a lot lately and how the Lord wants Justin and I to be involved here in the states.  I'm thankful I married a man who has a passion for evangelism.  I have learned so much from him and his heart for the lost over the past 3 years.  Before we were dating, Justin signed up for an international friendship ministry through our church where he was paired up with a Chinese friend who was living in Houston.  Justin and his friend hit it off so well, they even went on vacation together to Colorado!  I love that about my husband.  Though he may not have lived overseas like I have, he has ministered to many people, and is constantly sharing the Gospel with the lost. 

I hope Justin and I can go back to visit the city where I lived one day.  Being in Colombia together brought so much joy to our lives serving together in foreign missions and evangelism.  We know missions will always be a part of our family's life.  We don't want to plan our entire future of where we will live and where we will be as we have no idea where or what the Lord will call us to do.  We want to be open to where He wants us and we are excited to see the journey He will take us on together!

Our new home!

Well, it seems to be getting more and more real that Justin and I have bought our first home!  We had been looking at houses since June (seems like forever) and looked at many neighborhoods, locations, new, old, foreclosures, etc.  It was a long process but we finally decided to purchase a new home which is in the process of being built as we speak.  Building a house is super fun as you can pick everything out yourself, but it's also A LOT of work it seems!  After looking at so many homes, we knew somewhat the location we wanted and the layout we wanted and just needed to find the home within our price range.  Not as easy as it sounds but we are thankful to find the perfect first home for us.  The house is in the Spring area and it's about 30 minutes away from where we live now.  We love the location of our apartment, but finding a nice home within our price range and good school district was quite the task.   Here are some pictures of the process:




Our lot before they started



Our lot after it was cleared....we are happy to not have any back neighbors

The frame

Inside the house, we love the open layout

Justin in the kitchen by the island...which I am most excited about :) 

This is the latest picture from last Friday

It's a small one story, 3 bedroom plus study, but just perfect for what we need.  Actually, it's way more than what we need and we are incredibly thankful.  Lord willing, we will close the end of February!