Faith Proven Genuine

I've heard time and time again people tell me that they couldn't go through the loss of a child. That they aren't strong enough.  That it's their worst nightmare and that they wouldn't be able to live on.  Besides the fact that these comments aren't helpful at all, I'm left with only 1 response.  I'm only "strong" because the Lord has given me strength to endure.  He has given us grace upon grace to live through something a lot of people will never experience.  There is no grace for your imagination.  When you imagine losing a child, you don't have  God's grace to walk you through it until it actually happens.  But being in the midst of it, I can say He has given us so much grace to endure the impossible.  I am not some chosen super strong spiritual person and that's why I'm able to go on.  I'm an everyday mom who loved her daughter immensely and is relying on the Lord every single day.  Some days are much better than others, but God has provided for our every need.

One of the biggest encouragements that I have seen from my own life over the past year is the testing and proving of my faith as genuine.  Only God-given faith could sustain me through such grief and heartache, so I know it's the real thing. And I can also see how efficient His grace is-He has been able to sustain us through incredible pain and loss.  He has given us hope in the midst of great discouragement.  The fire still burns, but it does not consume.  The pain is so real, and the hurt of not seeing my baby girl everyday is deep, but I am still able to say It is Well.  And that is truly only by the Grace of God. By God's Grace, my own path is paved with promises of a glorious future beyond what I can see.  Even more, my Savior is with me, guiding me and offering eternal treasures along the way.

Sometimes I think it can sound arrogant to say that my faith has been strong to endure such a deep loss and still trust in God. But at the same time, I know that is one of the purposes of Callie's death.  It's to shout it out and for people to know that God is still good even through the deepest pain.  He is trustworthy when I'm at my lowest point.  If you know me, you know I am very real of the pain and heartache of losing Callie and how much I miss her.  I will not sugarcoat how awful it is for your child to die out of no where.  I'm not going to brush it off as this is just God's will and I'll be okay. Because it really SUCKS that I don't get to see Callie grow up.  And I use that term because I don't even know how else to describe it.  It's awful to watch everyone else around me raise their daughters while I'm missing mine terribly.  But in the midst of it all, I know God is still good.  I know he has deep purpose for our suffering.  I hope to continue to be real of the pain and heartache I feel, but to also grieve with such hope.  How we suffer does matter and I want to share it with others.  Our faith is on display for others to see.  I ask myself, what unique opportunities of gospel witness is he entrusting me with in the midst of the hurt and pain?  When the Bible says to count it all joy when we face trials, part of the joy we have is finding out our faith works.  There is joy in discovering our faith is genuine and it's the real deal.

When I am tempted to question God's goodness for allowing such pain in our lives, I have to remind myself that suffering is part of living in a fallen world, and as believers, while we are not spared from it, we are being purified and sanctified through it.  Although we may never understand God's reasons for allowing pain to afflict us, we can be certain that, in Christ, our suffering is not pointless but is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory.

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.