Cooper Pictures

Last week I had my 2nd anatomy ultrasound at 24 weeks.  It was so nice to see sweet Cooper again!  I had to go back and repeat my 20 week ultrasound because Cooper was not in the right position to get a good look at everything.  This time he was very cooperative!  She checked all his major organs again and was able to look at his face and heart  which she couldn't see last time, and everything looked great...Praise the Lord!  She also confirmed that he is a boy :)  He was moving around a lot during the ultrasound and the technician could feel his kicks.  It was probably the strongest kicks I had felt at that point.  She kept commenting on how cute he is, which I'm sure she says to everyone, but he is just so cute!  Of course Cooper had his arm by his face as usual.  He was already measuring at 25 weeks so I hope that means he could come a week early :)  He weighs a little over a pound and is a foot long.  He is long and lean at 24 weeks and his body will fill out proportionally and he will start to plump up.

Here is a picture of Cooper's face.  We think he has Justin's nose and my chin, but it's too early to tell since his face will fill out a lot more.  

His arm is at the top by his face

These pictures were taken at 24 weeks, but I am now 25 weeks and still feeling great.  My only complaint is that my feet hurt badly if I'm on them throughout the day, which I usually am.   I have never experienced my feet hurting like this so it's taken me by surprise.  It's also starting to get really hot and last week was miserable for me.  I don't sit in an air conditioning office all day and I'm out and about with kids so it's been really hot.  Justin is even noticing that I'm getting more hot than him lately and he is extremely warm natured!

In just one week I'm only 3 months away!  That is so hard to believe since I feel like I have a lot to do.  I finally went and registered with my best friend Karrie this week.  I'm so thankful she went with me or I would have been completely lost.  Here is a picture of what his bedding looks like that I ordered online.

My brother is giving us my nephew's crib and my parents bought us a dresser.  We are so thankful and feel truly blessed.  We still have a bunch of big purchases left and a lot to do with the nursery but I know it will come together one way or another.  Decorating is not one of my specialities so if anyone loves to decorate and wants to help me out, I'll be all for it!

Remembering Baby Noah

Today is another special day in the Cummings' family.  Today would have been our 2nd baby's due date.  It's hard to believe that I would be holding a baby in my arms around this time.  I think about what this week would have looked like if we hadn't lost this baby.  It was back in October, just a week after our 1 year anniversary that we found out we were pregnant again after losing our 1st due to miscarriage in July.  We were so thankful and though we were cautious, we never thought we would be going through yet another miscarriage.   I looked at what my due date was a thought, "a June baby...how fun!!"  I was so excited and thought it was great timing.  We found out we were pregnant on a Friday so I had to wait until Monday to go into the Doctor to get my blood work done, to see what my HCG levels were and to determine how the baby was doing.  I received a phone call the next day that wrecked me.  The nurse told me that my progesterone was low and so were my HCG levels.  She was putting me on progesterone and I needed to go back to see if my HCG levels double.  I knew it didn't sound good, though she kept saying "we just need the levels to double."  I flat out asked her to be honest with what she thinks this means and she did admit to me me "it could mean you may miscarry this baby".  I got off the phone and I don't remember crying so hard in my life.  I was actually at work, just sobbing in my office not sure what to do.  I went home and just cried and cried.  My mind was running just thinking what I would do if I had another miscarriage.  It was a rough night.  I e-mailed all my close friends to ask them to pray that this would be a miracle baby and that my levels would double.  We prayed and prayed.  2 weeks later, at 6 weeks pregnant, we lost our sweet baby.  It was a very difficult 2 weeks, going in to get my blood drawn every other day just wondering, hoping, and praying for a different outcome.

We obviously have no idea what the gender is to either of our babies, but I like to think of one of them as a girl and one as a boy.  It helps me remember them as what they are, real babies, and not just a fetus, or an it.  I heard the medical people tell me many times "it just didn't stick".  It was very frustrating for me.  It took us awhile to choose a name for this baby because I didn't want to have to think about it at times.  I pushed aside my emotions more with this miscarriage then I did the first one.  I was back to work quickly, and I just swept it under the rug more than I should have.  I noticed that other people also didn't talk about it with me than with the first miscarriage.  It could be partly because more people knew about the 1st one and I was farther along,  and partly they just had no idea what to say.  I am a verbal processor (hence the reason for the blog) and it has always helped me to talk through things.  I felt very alone and went through an extremely hard season in my life following this miscarriage.  The Lord has definitely been my rock and I have learned and have grown through it all.  All Glory to Him.

We decided to name this baby Noah.  When I think of Noah in the Bible, I think of a man with great Faith, which is our first baby's name.  Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Through these miscarriages and over the past year the Lord has reminded me over and over to have faith and to trust Him.  It's so simple, yet I found it difficult to do at times.  He never promised me that I would be 24 weeks pregnant with a baby boy on the day of Noah's due date, but I knew His plan was perfect.  I knew He is a sovereign, good God who I could put my trust in.   

To our sweet baby Noah-we miss you and are so thankful for your life.  I so wished I could have held you, kissed your sweet cheeks,  and seen what you looked like.  We look forward to the day when we will be reunited with you in heaven...what another blessing we have waiting for us!!  Your mommy and daddy love you dearly!  

Happy Father's Day Justin

When a woman is pregnant, it seems that she is the one who gets all the attention.  Granted, she is the one carrying the child and going through the joys and pains of pregnancy, but the Father is normally not noticed as much.  This is why I wanted to take a little time to recognize my husband on Father's Day.  It's true that he has not yet experienced the sleepless nights of waking up with a newborn, the pain of disciplining a 3 year old, all the difficult decisions that goes along with being the head of the household with children, or raising a teenager.  He hasn't scratched the surface yet of Fatherhood.  But He is most definitely a Father and he has shown over the past year to me what an incredible Father he is and will be.  For example:

• When I first found out I was pregnant with our first baby, it was a complete surprise.  Ironically, we had literally just made a huge decision that week of where we thought the Lord was leading us over the next year.  Justin was in particular very excited about this opportunity. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew the next year we had planned out would all change.  And I knew my husband would be heartbroken and I wasn't sure of his reaction.  I told him in a fun way and he had the BEST reaction I could ever imagine.  Not even for a split second was he disappointed or thought about what HE wanted.  I am thankful for a husband who sees children as what God's Word says and that they are a blessing.  I'm thankful for a husband who believes passionately in the sovereignty of God and knows HE is the creator of life and this was a part of his loving and perfect plan for us.  What a great Father!
• When we found out at 10 weeks that our baby had no heartbeat, he held me and cried with me
• When we lost our 2nd baby, he pointed me to scripture and always seemed to know what to say to me though he was grieving as well
• He never once made me feel like I was taking the miscarriages too hard or that I just need to move on
• He allowed me to vent, cry, and just be sad on hard days when I didn't feel I could do that around anyone else
• He was never anxious or worried when we were going to see a specialist to figure out what is going on
• He supported me and was compassionate towards me while I was going through procedures, testings, get pricked and probed too many times to count
• He was more than ready to start trying again when the Doctor gave us the go ahead
• He pointed me to scripture and encouraged me when I had days I was terrified I was going to lose another baby
• He kept track of my shots and gave me one every single night and was so gentle
• He reminds me daily to take the extra folic acid and vitamins I'm required to take
• He continually prays for baby Cooper
• He has been so patient and loving towards me though I have been extra emotional lately
• He loves, loves, loves his wife as God commands husbands in scripture--there has not been a day that has gone by since we first started dating that I have questioned his love for me.  And that is one of the biggest ways he is a great Father-to show Cooper how much he loves his Mommy

Though I know we have a LOOONG ways to go in regards to parenthood and have no idea what lies ahead, I couldn't ask for a better life partner to share this with.  Happy Father's Day Justin!  I have full confidence that you are going to be an amazing Father and Cooper is incredibly blessed to call you Daddy.  

Pregnancy Update

I wish I could think of a better title for this blog post, but my mind doesn't seem to working at full strength these days so this is the best I can do!  I am 23 weeks pregnant now and here are some random updates on what is going on:

• I finally felt baby Cooper move!  I first realized I was feeling him move at 21 weeks.  Yes, I know that is later than most but since my placenta is on top and Cooper doesn't move around a lot, it came a little later for me.  I was so relieved!  I think I felt him move before but didn't know what it was.  Just like everyone said, it felt like butterflies or waves through your stomach.  It definitely can be mistaken for gas!  I feel him move regularly now but it's not very often.  I had a friend whose baby didn't move a lot in her womb either and she ended up being the easiest baby!  Here's to hoping that this could mean Cooper is an easy baby too :)
• I went to children's camp last week 5 and a half months pregnant and all!  Some people thought I was crazy for going and I definitely questioned my sanity as well, but I'm so glad I went.  I had the sweetest group of girls and it was a huge blessing to be able to spend that extra time with them that I wouldn't normally be able to.  The Lord was so gracious as I felt great the entire time and had a lot of energy.  
• I have become so emotional lately!  This has taken me by surprise since I normally don't get PMS.  I feel pretty out of control with my emotions lately.  I cry over the dumbest things!  I normally don't cry when watching movies/TV, but now I'm a wreck if anything is even remotely sad or happy.  So if you see me and I'm teary eyed, please just know it's not you and it's probably nothing...I'm just extra sensitive/horomonal/emotional lately and I'm just so thankful for a patient husband!  
• "Pregnancy Brain" is in full swing!  I have heard people talk about this before but didn't really understand what it meant until now.  My main thing is that I'm forgetting things very easily.  For someone who likes to be organized and on top of things, forgetting things is not fun for me!  I have locked my keys in my office, locked myself out of my house, and left my keys at home all on days when it was very bad timing!  
• I ordered Cooper's bedding online and got it in the mail yesterday.  I was so excited!  We are going with a sports theme which fits us well since we both love sports.  I'm sure there will be some Aggie decor in there as well.  I still haven't registered or bought anything else yet as it's just too overwhelming to think about right now.  I'm thankful for all the advice I received on Facebook last week.  If any of you have more advice about the best things to register for, please share!  
• I still don't have a very cute baby bump.  It has been a little frustrating for me but I'm learning how incredibly vain it is and to be thankful that Cooper is growing and doing well.  My mom reminds me that she never had the big basketball baby bump either so it's probably just our body type along with where the baby is positioned in my uterus.  After I get dressed I typically say to Justin, "does this shirt make me look pregnant?"  My poor husband...he has been so sweet and continually will tell me how my belly looks so big and how I definitely look pregnant even when I don't ask him :)  I find myself sinfully comparing myself to other women and feel discouraged by their perfectly round bumps when I just look frumpy and huge.  I had someone with the best intentions tell me yesterday, "you don't even look pregnant!"  I know she was trying to be nice to make me feel good, but it actually made me feel worse.  I feel bad for people because no matter what they say to pregnant women, it probably is the wrong thing.  Some pregnant women HATE being told how big their bump looks or how they are showing, while others HATE to be told how small they look or how they don't look pregnant.  It's probably just best to say " you look great" ;)  
• A lot of people have been asking me this question so I thought it best to answer here:  I am stepping down from my job as children's director the end of September, which is just 2 weeks before my due date.  It will be bitter sweet as I have been there 4 years, but I also have never felt more confident in my calling to be a stay at home mom and spend this time pouring into our sweet baby boy.  It will be a sacrifice financially especially with Justin still going to school getting his master's but we both know this is what the Lord desires for our family, and it will be so worth it.  

 Phew that is a long update!  For the 4 of you who made it to the bottom, you're awesome!  I realize I mainly like to write about my pregnancy for me to look back and remember this sweet time in my life.  I feel incredibly blessed and just can't wait till baby Cooper is here...only 4 more months!