38 weeks

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant....2 weeks to go!  Why does it still feel like so far away?  I know these 2 weeks will fly by and I still feel like I have a lot to get done.  His nursery is almost complete, I just have a few more things to hang up on the walls.  I went to the Doctor this morning and I have basically made no progress at all which was disappointing.  I'm still 1 cm dilated and it seems that my cervix hasn't changed much.  She basically told me that he probably won't come anytime soon and I will most likely go to my due date or past.  Of course, she said you never know and it's just too hard to predict.  I don't mind him going to the due date, but I really don't want him going past the due date!  She said we will talk about induction at 41 weeks, but I would love to avoid that.  I really don't want to be induced, but I know the Lord already has his birthday picked out and He is in control!  And who knows, he could come next week and surprise us all!

I am still feeling surprisingly well for the most part. I thought I would be miserable at this point, but I'm really not.  I have the usual aches and pains of pregnancy and of course I'm getting more and more uncomfortable, but I don't have too much to complain about.   I actually feel so normal some days that I can't imagine going into labor anytime soon.  I haven't had any contractions at all...at least that I know of :)

 I am definitely feeling more tired and not sleeping as well at night.  I wake up frequently and need to turn over to the other side, which is miserable.  I have to lie there and talk myself into turning over as it's so uncomfortable!  Cooper is also moving so much more..thank you Lord!  After lasts weeks scare, my mom and I have been specifically praying that Cooper would move a lot more and the Lord has definitely answered our prayers.  He has been moving and kicking a ton everyday and it's a huge blessing.

I am definitely enjoying the special treatment I'm getting from strangers.  I always get comments or asked when my due date is or how much longer I have.    People are just so nice to pregnant women.  I think I will miss that when I have a crying newborn and everyone around me is rolling their eyes at me...

I have been so sensitive and emotional lately.  I have heard so much about the "baby blues" that you get after giving birth, but what about the baby blues before??  I haven't heard much of that but that's how I feel sometimes.  I seem to tear up or cry at the smallest things and get my feelings hurt more easily.  I usually never cry watching movies or TV, but if I'm watching the Baby Story or Parenthood...forget it, I'm sobbing!  Justin and I also watched "What to expect when you're expecting" which was a super cute movie especially to watch while pregnant and I cried at so many parts.  I'm thinking, "who am I, I never cry at movies?!?!"  Just the thought of giving birth makes me tear up too! I guess the looooooong wait and thinking about that moment is very surreal!  I sure hope I don't experience too much baby blues after his birth!

We have the car seat in the car!  It's seems strange driving around with an empty car seat, but I just can't help but smile when I look at it.  Justin and I have switched cars, which is fun for me but not so much for him since my car is 12 years old!  It's still going strong (gotta love Honda's) but we will hopefully look into getting a new (used) car sometime soon.

Well, that's all for now at 38 weeks...it is so strange having no idea when we will finally get to meet this little miracle, but I know it's so soon!  I just can't believe it!

37 weeks and an unexpected trip to the hospital

Well, today has been a very interesting day, which I am so glad is over!   First of all, I am now 37 weeks pregnant....only 3 weeks to go, can you believe it?  I sure can't.  It still feels really far away to us though I know it will be here before we know it.  To back up, I went to the Doctor last week and she checked me for the first time.  Everything looked great and I was 1 cm dilated!  That was fun to know.  She also said his head is low and she could feel his head.  She still said that most first time moms will go to their due date so it's hard to tell if he would come early or not.  As I have mentioned before, Cooper has never been a super active baby and not one to move a whole lot.  That is normal for him and I have gotten used to it and tried not to stress about it too much.  Well, over the weekend, I noticed that he really hadn't moved much at all and started to worry a little.  I knew I was going to the Doctor on Tuesday (today) so I was going to just wait and see if he started to move more.  Well, it has been 3 days with hardly any movement at all and I wasn't sure if something was wrong or if this was just normal.  So I went to the Doctor's visit today and they always ask me "how is the baby's movement?"  I told the nurse that he hasn't moved much over the past 3 days but she just brushed it off and said it's probably because he's bigger and running out of room.  I agreed and said that's what I was thinking and  was completely satisfied with her answer.  Then the nurse practitioner comes in and asks me the same question about his movements.  I told her again that he hasn't moved much the past 3 days, but he's also not a big mover.  She begins to ask me more specific questions about his movement and as I was answering her questions, I could tell she was not satisfied.  She asked me if I had felt him move at all today and I said no.  She basically told me she didn't feel comfortable letting me go home and that she wanted to get things check out to be sure.  I thought "that's fine, I'll just get another ultrasound and hope that everything is fine".  Um, no, that is not what she meant.  She basically told me that she wanted me admitted into the hospital to get some monitoring and testing done on the baby and get an ultrasound there.  Say What?  So I go over to the hospital where they had to admit me and it was all starting to get a little scary from there.  I had to answer a million questions, sign a bunch of paper work, get in a hospital gown, get my own private room, and get hooked up to these machines to monitor the baby.  I'm sitting in this room by myself pretty freaked out and not able to get a hold of my husband at work.  Then I have different hospital workers around me saying things like "If you have your baby today...."  or  "if you stay here overnight" and "if you have visitors..."  I'm thinking, what just happened?  I was just going to a doctor checkup and now they are talking about having my baby today or staying here overnight??  What is going on?

I then have to lay on my side as they monitor the baby's heartbeat and I have to push this button every time I feel him move.  About 30 minutes went by and there was nothing.  I start to worry again.  The nurse comes back in and says something about he's not doing what she needs him to do at this point so she is going to try a few things. I asked her what that could mean and she said that he could be "sick".  I'm not really sure what sick means but doesn't sound good.   I'm fighting back tears at this point just praying everything is okay.  She brings me some juice and then says if that doesn't work, she is going to try her next trick which is a noise machine.  I'm just praying that he would move!  Finally about 10 minutes later I could feel some movement...it wasn't strong, but at least it was something.  Then the machine gets really loud when he's being more active.  She comes back about 20 minutes later and said he did great!  She said all the loud noises on the machine means he is doing his "aerobics" and passed the test well.   I then have to wait in the room for awhile longer before going into another area to wait for my ultrasound.  After more waiting, I had the ultrasound and everything looks perfect once again.  Relief!  It was a more intense ultrasound that lasted longer than ones I've had before.  Then I have to go back to my hospital room to wait as they call my doctor.  After all that, 4.5 hours later, I was "discharged" to go!  Praise the Lord!  I asked her what could explain why he hasn't moved much but she really didn't have an answer.  Oh Cooper, if you only knew what you have put me through!  ;) I was joking that he better be an easy baby like everyone tells me to make up for the stress he has put me under with not moving much!   For all your pregnant mama's out there...never complain about your baby moving too much or kicking too hard...you have no idea how great your have it!  I'm praying that he will move more daily so that I will not have to stress over this anymore, since they want me to call them if he doesn't move again.  Only 3 more weeks of this.

At 37 weeks, I'm still feeling well overall, just starting to get more and more uncomfortable.   I'm waking up more at night and it takes such effort to turn over.  My feet are still giant and swollen where my tennis shoes barely fit!  Though I'm so ready to meet our baby boy, I really wouldn't mind if he went to 40 weeks and I'm probably the only person who has said that :)   I feel like I have a lot more to do to be ready and I just feel the closer to 40 weeks, the better overall.  I'm definitely more tired and I feel like I could go to bed right now at 6:30pm and sleep through the night.  A trip to the hospital will definitely wear you out...I'm just emotionally exhausted!

Though today was not fun, I'm thankful that I know now everything is great and Cooper is doing well. I am thankful that I have great medical care and am at a great hospital.  I'm thankful that my Doctor and practitioner are cautious even if I don't think it's necessary.  I am glad to spend an afternoon at the hospital that was unnecessary than to wonder and then regret not ever saying or doing anything if something really was wrong.  Here's to 3 more weeks...I can do it!

Don't Waste Your Cancer

 I have always loved John Piper and his ministry at the Desiring God website.  I read his blog, listen to his sermons and read a lot of his books.  I also love the children's curriculum they have available for churches and anyone to buy and I use it for our churches children's ministry.  I absolutely love teaching the curriculum and plan to use it for my own children to teach it during our devotion time.  It is filled with Gospel centered truth  and not just teaching children good morals, which you can't find in many children's curriculums (and I have looked at a ton).  After my mom was diagnosed with cancer a month ago, I remember Piper having an ebook titled "Don't Waste your Cancer".  He wrote the short book the night before he was going in for prostrate cancer surgery.  I read it shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer and it was a big encouragement to me.  Little did I know, one of my friends at my shower also recommended the book to my mom and she read it too!  I wanted to share some of the insights that I have learned.  I know there are so many people that have loved ones with cancer and it seems that it is all around me right now.  I hope that it is an encouragement to others as it has been for me.  Piper starts out by saying:

"I believe in God's power to heal-by miracle and medicine.  I believe it is right and good to pray for both kinds of healing.  Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God.  He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists.  So not to pray for healing may waste our cancer.  But healing is not God's plan for everyone in this life  And there are many other ways to waste our cancer.  As I prayed for myself, and continue to do so, I also pray for you that we will not waste this pain."

He goes on with 11 ways on how we can waste our cancer:

1. We waste our cancer if we don't hear in our own groanings the hope-filled labor pains of a fallen world.  
• "....the groaning of our cancer has a double meaning, it means that sin is horrible, and it means that glorious freedom is coming.  We will waste our cancer if we don't hear in our own groanings the labor pains of the new creation.  Labor pains mean that something wonderful is coming.  That's what our cancer means, " For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  (2 Cor 4:17)"
2. We waste our cancer if we don't believe it is designed for us by God. 
• I (Tracy) personally believe this is crucial when bad things happen.  I hear a lot of people say "God can use this" but in reality "God designed it"  He has the power to stop the the cancer cells from forming, and he chose, by his ultimate wisdom not to and it is for a purpose.  Piper goes on to say, "Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pain. But he is not ultimate....if we don't believe our cancer is designed for us by God, we will waste it. "
3. We waste our cancer if we believe it is a curse and not a gift.
• Piper says here that cancer is not a curse as Christ has taken the curse of our condemnation for us. Psalm 84:11 also says, "no good thing does he withhold to those who walk uprightly." We believe God is not withholding good from us.  He is doing good by allowing our family to walk through this, because He is a holy and a perfect, good God.  
4. We waste our cancer if we seek comfort from our odds rather than from God. 
• This hit home for me.  Since Justin used to work with the type of cancer my mom has, I find myself asking him tons of questions about odds.  How foolish am I to find some type of comfort from good odds.  We believe in a God who has the power to heal and who has our days numbered.  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, no matter how healthy we are today.  I want to find my comfort from God and his Word.  Piper says, "the world gets comfort from odds...not Christians."
5. We waste our cancer if we refuse to think about death. 
• We will all die someday and as believers, this is not something we should fear.  Our days are all numbered and our days on this earth are short.  No matter how healthy or unhealthy we are, we must think about death and the fact that we are placed on this earth for a specific time for a specific purpose.  And as believers in Jesus Christ, what comfort we have knowing where we will be after death.  
6. We waste our cancer if we think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
• Piper says is beautifully here, "Satan and  God's design for cancer are not the same.  Satan designs to destroy our love for Christ.  God designs to deepen our love for Christ.  Cancer does not win if we die.  It wins if we fail to cherish Christ." Phil 4:8- I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."
7. We waste our cancer if we spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.  
• Piper says, "It is not wrong to know about cancer.  Ignorance is not a virtue.  But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief.  Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God."
8. We waste our cancer if we let it drive us into solitude instead of deepen our relationships with manifest affection.  
• God changes our hearts towards other people through our trials.  I would never have the sympathy and affection I have towards women who experience miscarriages if I hadn't experienced it myself.  Now, I have a renewed heart for people who have loved ones battling with cancer.  "That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer:  a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people." 
9. We waste our cancer if we grieve as those who have no hope. 
• Though it is good to grieve, as Christians, we have hope!
10. We waste our cancer if we treat sin as casually as before. 
• "Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin."
11. We waste our cancer if we fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ. 
• "Christians are never anywhere by divine accident...this will be an opportunity to bear witness.  Christ is infinitely worthy.  Here is a golden opportunity to show that that he is worth more than life. "

I will never stop praying for my mom's healing from cancer.  I will not stop praying for her health and to feel good with minimal symptoms throughout her treatment.  But on top of that, I am challenged to pray that as a family, we will grow to cherish Christ more, put our hope in Christ, and pray that we will be a witness to those around us.  I am thankful that God is sovereign and this is all by His design, it has not taken Him by surprise and His timing is perfect (no matter how badly I think the timing is).  He has a specific purpose for this season, however long or hard it may be...and it is all for good.

For those of you who would like more updates about my mom, you can go to her website:
 http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/debbiecollier1

Anniversary Trip

Justin and I are celebrating 2 years of blissful marriage on October 2nd :)  Since I will be 39 weeks pregnant then, we decided to go on a quick Anniversary Trip/Babymoon over labor day which was so much fun!  Since I'm 35 weeks pregnant now, we just wanted to go somewhere to relax and rest especially since we won't be getting much of that in just a few weeks.  Justin's fall semester of grad school started up again and we know this will be a very time consuming semester as he is starting his clinical hours on top of school and work.  I'm not sure how we will manage everything, but we know the Lord will give us the time and strength to do it!

We decided to go to the Wild Oak Hyatt resort in San Antonio, which was so beautiful and we were able to get a great deal.  Our room was set up like a condo with a kitchen, living room etc, and the resort had an indoor/outdoor pool, 2 watersides and a lazy river with a beach feel.  We also had access to the big Hyatt resort which was just down the road that had another huge lazy river and more pools, golf course and spa.  And the food was amazing!  We also got a couples massage which was my very first prenatal massage.  It was very nice and fun to be pampered for a couple of hours.  It was nice to just relax and do whatever we wanted for a few days.  Since it was off season after labor day, we pretty much had the place to ourselves, which was great!

Indoor/Outdoor Pool

"The Beach" overlooking the lazy river

Floating down the lazy river

Justin going down the water slide, I just got his feet in the picture...it was crazy fast!

The lazy River at the Hyatt resort

We enjoyed a very nice dinner at the resort called Antlers Lodge.  Hence the big Antler chandelier in the background. We had the entire restaurant to ourselves since it was midweek and off season!

The pool at the hyatt that connects to the lazy river

Our Balcony

We really did have a great time and it was a reminder to us how important it is to get away together at least once a year.  We have a goal of going out of town even if it's just a weekend twice a year and so far, we have succeeded.  We will see if we can keep it up once we add kids to the picture.  I'm thankful for the blessing of my husband who truly is my best friend!