Grief Share....even the title of that can make you want to cringe. Justin first found out about grief share a few weeks after Callie died and suggested that we go. I told him he could go, but there is no way I wanted to go. Sitting in a room with strangers talking about grief was not something I wanted to do at all. I especially didn't want to sit by someone who had no idea what it was like to lose a child because I thought my loss was way more significant than theirs. My attitude definitely wasn't the best, but I was still dealing with shock, so we just put it on the back burner for awhile.
The Lord really worked on my heart and was using other people to slowly lead me to give Grief Share a try. I had 2 different people at different times tell me how Grief Share was really good for them after losing a child. I was able to ask more questions to them since they understood my loss and started to be a little more open minded about it. I then found out David and Nancy Guthrie were the main narrators in the video series and they endorse it, so that also helped me to see what a great program it was. I had already read some of Nancy Guthrie's books and I really respected her. After looking into it a little more, we decided to give Grief Share a try.
Last week Justin and I finished our last Grief Share meeting. It was really good for us and I'm so thankful we did it together. I wanted to share a little about our experience in case you were skeptical like me. Grief Share is a Christian based 13 week program for those who have lost a family member. They have the program at most churches around you and you can just choose what day/time works best for you. This is the big reason for why we really loved it: it's Biblical! I was very concerned that it would be more self help stuff and just giving you steps to help you with your grief. That wasn't something I was interested in. It is filled with scripture, it focuses on God's sovereignty, and leads you to put your trust in the Lord for comfort, not people. There is a workbook and you have homework that only takes less than 10 minutes a day. The scriptures and questions were SO good for me to work through.
One thing that grief share taught us was the importance of leaning into our grief. To not push it away and go on with your day not thinking about it. We learned that talking about it, journaling, going to grief share, discussing it together or with others was really good and necessary for us. I think it was especially good for Justin. He works long hours during the week and really has to force himself to block his grief out of his mind so he can work. He comes home from work and is a loving husband and father and just doesn't have a lot of emotional energy left to work through his grief. Grief Share really helped him work through it, talk about it, and learn from it. We were also able to discuss together the things we were learning and working through which helped a lot.
If you have lost a loved one, I highly recommend going to Grief Share. I will say this, you have to give it at least 3 weeks. There are a lot of people who come once and never come back. It IS awkward the first meeting. It's not fun to open up to strangers about something so very difficult and personal. I cried the first 6 weeks every time, at least. I compare Grief Share and working through grief to exercising. You dread having to do it, but you know it's good for you. And you never ever regret going once it's over. You feel better after doing it. And then every week, it actually starts to get easier to go. You realize like exercising, that you are seeing how good it is for you. And at the end of it, you actually look forward to going. That was how Grief Share was for me. I dreaded going for about 5 weeks. My parents came over every Thursday night to watch Cooper for us, and if it wasn't for that, I'm guessing Justin and I would have decided at the last minute not to go during those first few weeks at the last minute especially the nights he worked late.
We were also very blessed with an awesome group. The Lord placed us in the perfect group for us. There were 3 other people there who have lost a child, which I've heard it is unusual to have that many in one group. The rest of them have lost spouses. We were like a family at the end of the 13 weeks as we have walked through so much together. The facilitators were wonderful and compassionate. We also learned a lot about other things that were going on relating to grief. We learned about surviving the holidays seminar that I attended, and we learned about the worldwide candle lighting service for those who have lost children. We wouldn't have known about these opportunities otherwise.
My heart also really softened to people who have lost their spouse. Grief Share obviously doesn't compare grief but losing a child and losing a spouse I would say are the most difficult since you are living with that person and see them every single day, and your whole world changes. I learned a lot about what it's like for someone to lose a spouse and grew more compassion towards them when before I felt that it wasn't as significant as my loss. I also heard of people going who have lost a mother or father and that it has been very helpful for them too.
The Lord really taught us so much through this ministry and we made some really great friends through it all. A lot of people go through Grief Share 2-3 times because you learn something new each time. I won't be able to do it again for now since baby Nolan will be here soon, but Justin is thinking about doing it again. I really think I will do it again in a couple of years as I know it will be good for me to process my ongoing grief even years later. I really am thankful for this ministry and recommend it for anyone who has lost a loved one.
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