God, Where Were You? Part 2

The Holidays really are such a fun time of year!  I have always loved Christmas.  I love the meaning of Christmas, the parties, the decorations, and I especially love coming home to our Christmas tree everyday.  I love the music, the food, the baking, and being with family.  I love traditions and making new traditions with my husband.  It really is such a special season.  But with all the fun and excitement, there are definitely people around us everywhere that Christmas is a hard time for them.  It might be that first Christmas without their loved one.  It might be another Christmas of being single and having your great aunt ask once again "why aren't your married yet?"  It might be your first Christmas overseas as a missionary away from all your family and friends.  Or it might be another Christmas that goes by that you have no children to buy gifts for.  This Christmas, I would have been almost 8 months pregnant.  It's hard to not think about it everyday.  I remember back in the summer thinking about the Christmas cards we could send out with some cute belly pictures.  I had already pictured what our lives would be like at this time of year, and it's now nothing what I thought it would be.  But through the sadness that comes during this time of year, the Lord has reminded me, "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you."

Going back to the story of Lazarus (see previous post for part 1), another very powerful verse that spoke to me was the shortest verse in the Bible.  John 11:35 says "Jesus wept."  I found this verse incredibly comforting to me for various reasons.  I don't believe that Jesus wept because Lazarus died....he knew Lazarus was going to die and He also knew that He would raise Lazarus from the dead.  Verse 33 says that when Jesus saw Mary weeping, he was deeply moved, and he wept.  I love that Jesus fully understands the grief that Mary and Martha are experiencing.  He knows when we hurt.  He understands why we hurt as he was fully flesh.  He doesn't just say "Don't you know this is for your good??  Just get over it!"  There were times during my grief that I would feel extremely guilty for feeling so sad.  I was believing the lie that because I'm sad, I'm not trusting God.  It brought me great comfort to know that the Lord truly has compassion on me.  He loves me, as he loved Mary and Martha.  He is deeply moved for me as He was with Mary and Martha.  This doesn't give me the excuse to complain and mope everyday, but it does bring me comfort to know that during this holiday season, when I'm reminded of where we would be if our babies had lived, He understands.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses.

I am so thankful that over the past 5 months, the Lord has showed me not only that this trial is for His glory and my good, but also that He cares.  That He has compassion and gives me grace to walk through it.  That He is a God of truth.  That he hasn't abandoned me.  That He is near even when I don't sense it.  That He is my healer, and He wants to help me grow to know and trust Him more.  Even when I don't hear from Him in the way I desire, He is there--listening, caring, feeling my pain.  Thank you Lord!